It’s been a long time coming, but it has now been two years since I last picked up, and it has been interesting. I can’t say it has been easy because it was really tough, especially in the beginning. As time went on, my addiction treatment process did get somewhat easier; however, there were days when I never thought I could stay clean, somehow, I did it, and I’m feeling so much better. I’m actually proud of myself for doing it.
Something I never thought I would care about was my relationship with my family again. I didn’t realize how much I missed them and the day-to-day family interactions; also, I didn’t realize how hard it was for them. I feel really awful that I put them through everything I did, and now it has become a major part of my thought process when I need to fight against my Free By The Sea Addiction Resources. People think that because I’m clean, I don’t have urges. I can’t control them coming on, but I have been able to fight back. It is not always easy, but it is worth it.
I’m one of the lucky people because my family gave me a second chance. Others like me never got that chance, either because they did not live to see it happen, or their family did not trust them enough to take the risk of letting them come back into their lives. I do not want to mess it up again because it is too important to me.
My ongoing meetings are a big part of my addiction recovery, and I have made a lot of sober friends in the meetings. It works well; when they begin to slip, I can help them, and that seems to actually help me stay sober. Hearing what people are going through makes me wonder what I did when I was an addict or how stupid I must have sounded and looked. I am embarrassed telling the truth, which is something I am getting pretty good at—telling the truth.
I cannot understand how I ever got to the point where I was willing to lie to the people I loved the most, but I did. I lied, I stole, I treated them like garbage, and all they wanted was to save me. I feel so bad about it now, but I cannot go backward; I can only do the next right thing, and that means not using alcohol and drugs again.
I know the next time I pick up could be my last day on Earth. My family would be crushed, and I would have ruined everything, and that’s not what I want. So, I go to my meetings. I have a great relationship with my family. I have started playing tennis, and I spend some mornings sitting on the beach and watching a sunrise. These things help me stay in my moment and to remember that I need it all in order to be humble. I was able to find a job, and they promoted me last week. Things are looking better, but I won’t get cocky about it because I know that no matter how far away I am from the last time I picked up, doing it “just once more” may be the last time I ever see my family, and I don’t want to do that to them. Being focused on life, keeping sober friends, and enjoying my family are helping me stay sober. I want it more than anything I’ve ever wanted.
Getting rehab for painkiller addiction is a difficult journey to embark on, nevertheless the results are more than worth it. You are literally getting a second chance at life.
